I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
