Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
