where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
