Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
