Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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