Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
