What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
