just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
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