something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
