I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
