Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
