I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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