ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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