I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
