4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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