Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Randomize
