Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Can you repeat that, but with context?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
