i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
