You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
