Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Randomize
