obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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