If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
