I think I died a long time ago.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
