i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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