I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
