i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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