I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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