i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
