You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
