okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
