Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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