I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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