Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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