DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
