I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
