What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
