just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
