Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
