Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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