Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
