That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Randomize
