beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
