Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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