I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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