I think I died a long time ago.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
