Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
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