Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
