I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
The Olympian is in my bed
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
