Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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