all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
