Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
