what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
